


bucket list

by ndnickerson



Category: Nancy Drew - Carolyn Keene
Genre: Christmas, Domestic Fluff, F/M, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Near Death Experiences, Peril, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Yuletide 2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-03-01 22:21:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2789795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ndnickerson/pseuds/ndnickerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Nancy Drew Yuletide 2014! Prompt: After Nancy comes extremely close to dying, she realizes she wants to take the next step with Ned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bucket list

**Author's Note:**

> In this story, the age difference between Nancy and Ned is the three years it originally was in the Mystery Stories.

No one knew where she was.

No one who cared about her knew where she was. _That_ was more accurate.

The case had been over. Nancy had been in the helicopter with the law enforcement agents who were delivering Levett to the nearest holding facility for processing. She had known that he was crafty, but she had been lulled by it: the letdown that came at the end of the case, the uneventful and rather boring first hour of the trip. She hadn't been piloting the plane, and after she had told the second agent that she had a boyfriend, that hundred-watt smile had dimmed somewhat.

She didn't really know what had happened next. Levett had made a grab for something, probably Finn's gun. The blast had blinded her, and struck the pilot. Then they had been plummeting toward the ground, and she had grabbed for the controls while Finn and his partner had tried to subdue Levett. They hadn't succeeded. She had had to leave them in the wreckage of the plane, once she had regained consciousness; she had touched her temple and her fingers had come away slick with blood, and she had been convinced of one thing: she needed to get out and get safe, as soon as she could.

Levett had taken everything he could and smashed everything else. Her cell phone didn't work. She had managed to wrench her pack out of the wreckage of the plane, but staying there overnight meant Levett could find her—and she didn't know where he was, if he had left her for dead or if he would wait near the wreckage for help to arrive so he could hijack it. She just didn't know. And Levett, if he knew she was alive, would do all he could to kill her, to get rid of the witness with the most damning testimony.

He was still armed. Finn's gun was missing. So was his partner's. Nancy had nothing she could use to arm herself.

It was hard to think straight. She knew her head wound was dangerous, but she dressed it as best she could and tried not to think about it. They were in the woods, in deep woods, near the mountains. The pilot had filed a flight plan, and she just needed to wait it out; when they didn't arrive, people would ask questions. She just hoped it was quickly.

_Ned._

As she waited and prayed for hope that didn't arrive, as she climbed a tree as quietly and quickly as possible and strapped herself to one of the branches so she could rest in relative safety, she thought of the people she loved, but mostly Ned. She had promised him a date on her return, at a nice place, a place with candlelight. She was going to get dressed up and actually make it there on time. She had promised herself.

She had to get home. She had to get back to them, to all of them, and especially him. He was graduated now, setting up his place in the city, and she loved him so much...

She blinked and the sun was suddenly sunk low in the sky, painting the horizon pink and gold, and the temperature was beginning to drop.

When she touched the bandage she had wrapped around her head, her fingers came away tacky with blood. It hadn't stopped. She could feel it matted in her hair, crusted down her neck. She could feel a bone-deep ache in her and there seemed to be no point in denying it. If help didn't arrive soon, she would be beyond saving. She was trying to save herself from Levett's wrath, but the damage had already been done.

She took out her cell phone, hoping against hope—but the display read _No Service_ instead of showing bars of signal strength. She only had about half-battery left as she navigated to the text message screen and began to type.

_I love you so much. I love you. Tell Dad & everyone I love them. You mean so much to me & I hope with all my heart that you know that. I'm so sorry. I thought we had more time. I love you._

Her fingers were trembling and numb from the cold, and she had to concentrate hard to put her phone away. She hissed when her cold fingers came into contact with her skin, but it was the only way she could warm them.

She didn't know if going to sleep would hurt her, or if going to sleep meant she would be unlikely to ever wake again, but at least it would be better than a bloody death at Levett's hand.

With the last bit of her strength, in the dying light, she slowly untied herself and began to climb up the tree again, as far up as she could go. A few times she slipped and clung to the tree's trunk, but she finally made it and untied the yellow emergency poncho she had wrapped around her waist. At least it might make her position a little more visible from the air; she hoped Levett wouldn't spot it.

She slipped on the way back to the tree branch she had picked out as her hiding place, and it took more energy than she had to tie herself to the branch again. She didn't want to wake after a fall, her bones splintered, her last moments in agony. She drifted off several times before she tied the last knot and tucked her hands into her coat, her hood obscuring her reddish-gold blood-matted hair, her teeth chattering. She tucked her chin to her chest and tried not to cry, but the throbbing in her head was worse.

_When I can't feel it anymore,_ she thought. _That's when I know it's too late._

Everything she had been afraid of felt so insignificant now, in the face of this. She had worried that Ned might propose when he graduated; she had worried about what would happen if she told him she wasn't ready and he decided he was tired of waiting for her to become ready, after three years together. He wanted to be with her, and she recoiled at the idea of being tied down, of disappointing him...

But, when she imagined it... Ned had never tied her down. He had gone out of his way to make sure she understood that he cared about her and loved her, and that he worried about her but he wanted her to be happy. He loved the idea of supporting her and being there for her, and she had been so afraid to trust it—because if she grew to depend on him any more than she already did, she would never be able to stand losing him.

In a way, though, she was losing him now. She would never see his face again, never feel his lips against hers...

Her head throbbed harder as she began to cry in earnest. She missed her father, suddenly, so much that her heart ached with it; she wished she could see Bess and George one last time, and tell them how much they meant to her. But Ned, oh, to be without him for the rest of his life... to leave him behind like this. He had always loved her, so fiercely that sometimes it scared her, and she had been afraid to love him the same way.

_If I get home... if I see him again..._

When she slipped beneath, into the sudden sweet warmth, her last thought before the darkness claimed her was his face.

\--

"They found her. En route to hospital in Montana. Plane leaves in two hours."

Carson Drew sounded like he was stretched taut as a piano wire, and as soon as Ned said he would head to the airport immediately and took a breath, he found he was speaking to a dial tone.

He barely took the time to pack, and he hardly knew what he was tossing into the bag. He had his phone to his ear, telling the HR rep at his workplace that his fiancée—it was a stretch, and he could always straighten it out later—had been in a terrible accident and he needed to take some leave. He broke land-speed records on the way to the airport, and filled his parents in as he squealed into a parking spot, tires still screeching.

_They don't know if she's going to make it._ Carson hadn't even had to say it; his tone had said it for him, because his last words hadn't been _She's okay._

Ned hadn't even known there was anything wrong until he had received word that she had missed her flight home. He wished that he had been there with her, but he hadn't been able to take the time off work... but now he could afford it, because she was badly hurt.

_There's something wrong with that,_ he thought as he made his way into the airport and stopped in front of a kiosk to print out his hastily-purchased ticket. There was something wrong with only being able to take the time when something awful had happened. But he couldn't always accompany her on her cases. One of them needed to hold down a steady job, find a way to provide for them...

That made him think, heart sinking, of the engagement ring he had hidden in the apartment. He had let himself become so nervous about asking her to marry him that it had been easier to focus on his work, to invite her to his place for dinner and a movie, to show her what they could have together. To draw her into it slowly, until it wouldn't be a shock or a surprise. It would just seem logical and _right._

He cursed himself a thousand times for not taking any opportunities to do it before. When they had been decorating the tree together a week earlier, that had been perfect. She had looked so happy and so content, snuggled up beside him afterward with her mug of hot chocolate. She was still so young—she was only nineteen, and she would turn twenty in the spring—but he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. And he hadn't wanted to potentially ruin the moment by casually mentioning how right it seemed, to be with her that way. His apartment felt a little emptier without her.

He couldn't think about it. He couldn't think about how empty it would be if she never crossed the threshold again.

Nancy's father took care of renting the car once they touched down, and their conversation was inane; they couldn't focus on anything, anything other than her. Carson's nerves were frayed and when he took a wrong turn on the way to the hospital, he called the GPS a string of epithets that Ned hadn't heard since he had left the Omega Chi house. He raised his eyebrows, but didn't say anything.

Carson took a breath and gripped the wheel again, his knuckles white.

Ned felt like he was going to explode with impatience before they ever found her, and once they were in the hospital, waiting for the receptionist to look up her room number nearly had Ned vibrating with tension. Finally they were told that they could see her, but only one at a time.

Ned clenched his fist and released it. He knew that there was no way in hell Carson would let him see her first. "I'll just wait out here," he said.

He couldn't sit down, though, and he pulled out his phone, intending to tell his parents that his plane had landed safely. His eyes widened when he saw an unread message from Nancy's cell, one that had come in when he was on the flight.

_I love you so much. I love you. Tell Dad & everyone I love them. You mean so much to me & I hope with all my heart that you know that. I'm so sorry. I thought we had more time. I love you._

Ned choked as he read the words on his cell phone's screen. "Oh God," he whispered. "Oh my God. Oh no."

He paced while he waited for Nancy's father to return; when he did, he looked weary and exhausted. "They've put her in a coma," he explained quietly. "She lost a lot of blood and she was pretty banged up in the helicopter crash, not to mention exposure before they found her. The doctor's hoping that once she's had some time to heal, they can bring her out of it and we can take her home."

"Is she going to be all right?"

Carson sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I hope to God she will be," he said. "Oh God. My baby. She's so pale..."

Ned reached for his phone. "I think she tried to send me a message after the crash," he said, and explained about the text he had received. Carson held Ned's phone in his hands and read it himself, and his jaw set as he held himself in check.

"If only she'd been able to contact us..." Carson shook his head. "Go ahead in. We can switch off."

She was almost as pale as the pillowcase beneath her head; she was so still, and Ned sniffled when he walked into her room. He picked up her limp hand and held it in his. "Hey," he said quietly. "Hey, Nan, it's me. I got your message. And I love you too, I love you with my whole heart and all my strength. You're safe here and they're going to do everything they can for you, so I need you to rest and get better so we can take you home. I need you to open those beautiful blue eyes and smile at me, so I can tell you myself. You mean so, so much to me, Nan. And once you're better we need to talk about you not coming to Montana anymore, all right?" He sniffled. "I think it's bad luck for you, sweetheart. Your dad's right outside and we're going to be here until you wake up and we can take you home. Oh God, Nan. Please, please be okay. I don't know what I'll do if you're not okay."

\--

When she woke, Nancy was pretty sure she wasn't dead. She didn't think her father would look so incredibly anxious and exhausted otherwise, or that Ned would be staring at her like she was a dream come true.

"Hey," she croaked, her hands held tight in theirs. "What—happened?"

"That's what you need to tell us," her father said. "Once you're feeling better, anyway. It's so good to see you awake again."

"Are you feeling all right?" Ned asked, his dark-eyed gaze concerned.

"Mmm. Sore—all over," she said haltingly, testing herself. She had been so cold; she felt warm again, and she was thankful. "Where...?"

"In Montana," her father filled in. "We'll take you home as soon as your condition is stable enough for you to fly."

It took a few days, and Nancy was grateful that by the time she was on the plane back to Chicago, she actually felt almost like herself again. The events of that day, especially after the crash, felt like a dream; her memories were fragmented and strange. One particular memory had stuck with her, though. Her panic at the thought of leaving Ned behind, of never seeing him or anyone else she loved again.

After takeoff, Nancy glanced over at Ned. "I missed our date, didn't I," she murmured.

He gave her a small smile. "I think you had a pretty good excuse," he pointed out. "It's all right."

She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. She wasn't sure that Ned had ever slept, or if he had, it had been when she was asleep. Ned and her father had provided for her every need, refilling her water glass, feeding her ice chips, helping recline and angle her bed, sneaking in snacks. She had felt very spoiled, but almost guilty; they were showering her with all the affection they could, and she hated that she had put them through such grief.

They touched down in Chicago after a weather delay, to find Bess, George, and Hannah waiting for them. Each wrapped Nancy in a long, warm hug. "Welcome home," Hannah told her, her eyes shining. "Oh, Nan, I'm so glad you're okay."

She was going back to her father's house and Ned was returning to his home, and she knew both of them would have a lot of work to catch up on. Her father had spent so much time with her, and so had Ned—and once upon a time, she would have taken that for granted. When it was time for her to leave with her father and Hannah, Nancy turned to Ned and gazed into his sweet dark eyes. "I love you," she told him, and they hugged each other hard. He picked her up and she closed her eyes, resting her head against his shoulder.

"I love you so much," he told her. "I'm so, so glad you're okay. Let's do something this weekend, all right?"

She nodded. "Maybe we could put off dancing until next weekend, though. I might have the energy for it then."

He smiled and brushed the tip of his nose against hers. "It's a deal, Drew."

Nancy went on a shopping trip the next day with Bess and George, and told them again how much she cared for them and loved them. When she walked around her father's house, she saw it all with new eyes, knowing that she had very nearly seen it for the last time. The doctor had told her how close a call she'd had. Another hour and she almost certainly would have died before reaching the hospital.

She agreed to meet Ned for dinner on Friday... and then, once Nancy knew he had left for work, she found the spare key and let herself into his place.

Ned's apartment. She had helped him clean it up and prepare to move in; she and Ned had only spent a few of their dates in the apartment, but it felt warm and inviting. She felt comfortable and safe here, with him. The tree she had helped decorate stood in a corner of the living room; she turned on the lights and smiled at the soft glow.

Hannah had given her extensive directions, and Nancy made pot roast in the slow cooker and mashed potatoes. They had made the French silk pie that morning, and Nancy was planning on whipping cream to put on top right before serving.

Once everything was finished and put away, ready for serving or reheating, she let herself into his bedroom and opened the last bag she had brought with her. She glanced at her watch and hoped she had timed everything correctly as she slipped out of her jeans and sweater.

Right before she was pretty sure he would be leaving work, she sent him a text message, and saw again the message she had sent him when she had been afraid she would never see him again. _Hey babe, I'll meet you at your place, okay?_

_Sounds good. See you soon,_ Ned replied a few minutes later.

When he walked in, his eyes lit up. "I didn't think you'd be waiting for me," he said with a smile, putting down his bag and walking toward her. She rose from the recliner; she wore a black velvet dress with a portrait neckline that left her creamy shoulders bare, and a pearl and diamond pendant he had given her hung around her neck. Her stockings were dark and whisper-sheer, and her heels were fine for navigating the floors of his apartment, not so much for walking on the ice and snow outside.

"Nan, you look so beautiful."

She gave him a glowing smile. "And you look great," she told him. "I'm going to set the table. If you want to change into something else..."

"You're right. I no longer meet the dress code." She swatted at him and he leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Be right back, sweetheart."

When he returned, he helped her set the table. She had placed candles in the center, and the flickering glow matched the coziness in the rest of the apartment. They served their plates and brought them to the table, and Nancy was glad to see that the roast was tender and shredded almost as soon as her fork touched it.

"So to what do I owe this pleasure?" Ned asked as he sat down. "Everything looks so good, Nan. I hope you didn't push yourself too hard..."

"It was no big deal," she told him. "Really. I just... I didn't want to waste time waiting in line somewhere, or to... to be around a lot of other people, tonight."

Ned nodded. When his gaze lingered on her face, she felt his relief at seeing that she was okay, and what she hoped was an echo of her own feelings, that their time together was too precious to waste. "This looks incredible," he told her.

She smiled. "So how was your day? I know you've probably been very busy at work."

He admitted to her that his day had been difficult; others had been assigned to projects in his absence, and he had been trying to catch up ever since his return. He sighed in contentment with his first bite of the roast and potatoes, and the steamed broccoli she had prepared with it. She listened to all of it, and when Ned stopped, feeling self-conscious, she reached for his hand.

"I'm sorry," she told him. "I know some of it was my fault."

He shook his head. "No. You didn't cause the helicopter crash, Nan. It wasn't your fault."

She smiled a little and looked down. "Yeah, but you stayed there with me for so long..."

"I couldn't have just left you there. I couldn't have."

Their gazes stayed locked for a long moment. Nancy stroked the back of his hand with her thumb, her heart in her throat.

After they had finished their dinner, she went to the refrigerator and took out the ingredients for the whipped cream. Ned cleared the table and brought the dishes to the sink, then came up behind her as she assembled the hand mixer. "This looks interesting," he commented, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I think you'll be even happier when you see what it'll be going on."

"Mmm. That sounds even better," he murmured, his voice low as he ducked down and nuzzled against her neck, and she shivered and blushed a little.

"I'll never get this done if you distract me," she murmured, but she was smiling. "Raincheck?"

"All right, for a little while," he agreed, and kissed her neck once before releasing her.

The pie, Nancy was happy to see, looked beautiful when she cut it into slices and served them each one. Ned had just finished loading the dishwasher, and he grinned when he saw the plates. "Oh, that looks incredible, baby."

"Let's go enjoy it in the living room. I'll finish up the plates."

Ned shook his head. "No, I will. You definitely deserve it after all this. Go sit down, honey."

The pie tasted even better than it looked. Nancy took off her heels and curled up on the couch beside Ned as they ate, and when he took his first bite, he turned to her with low-lidded eyes. "Mmm. Nan..."

"Yeah," she agreed. "Maybe I can do it by myself next time. Hannah helped."

Ned scraped up the last bite of his dessert a moment later, then placed the empty plate on the coffee table and slid his arm around her waist. "That was amazing, Nan. All of it. And now I feel terrible, because _you're_ the one who deserved to have your feet up and be resting while someone else cooked for you."

"Well, maybe we could do that next time," she suggested, resting her head on his shoulder. "We could do frozen pizza and cookie dough ice cream. We just have to make sure not to distract each other and ignore the timer..."

"That was _one time_ ," Ned protested, and when he gently tickled her side she giggled and buried her face against his neck. "How could I have let you go just for a few slices of frozen pizza."

She pulled back a little, her face flushed, to look up at him. His dark eyes were glowing with desire, and when he cupped her cheek, her lashes fluttered down.

She was still shivering a little after their kiss. His mouth was so sweet against hers, but he tilted his head, looking into her eyes. "Mind if I change clothes?" she murmured.

He shook his head, studying her face. "Did you—want to stay over tonight?"

He looked hopeful. He had mentioned spending the night together, after she had turned eighteen, without putting any pressure on her, but she had been afraid; she hadn't wanted to tempt him that way, and it had just been easier to make excuses. "Yeah," she murmured. "I think I do. If that's all right with you."

He nodded. "Definitely," he said, reaching for her hand and giving it a squeeze as he smiled. "I'll just take care of these..."

She went to his bedroom, to the bag she had left there earlier, and took it into the bathroom; she slipped out of her dress and pulled on the burgundy silk nightgown. When she saw her reflection, the black lace casting shadows against her creamy skin, she blushed a little. She wanted to look beautiful and sexy, and the slip was festive. She hoped he liked it.

Before she left the bathroom, she gingerly touched the still-tender wound on her scalp. It was a reminder, one that she didn't intend to ignore.

When she walked out to the living room again, Ned was standing at the window, looking out through the blinds. "So the snow's started coming down again," he commented as he was turning. "I'd be irresponsible if I—"

Then he saw her, and his voice died with a little sigh, his eyes widening. His lips parted, but he was silent.

Nancy could feel herself blushing as she caught the hem of her dress in her fingers and gave him a small smile. "You'd definitely be irresponsible if you sent me home in this," she murmured.

He took a few steps toward her. "I—you look..." He shook his head, and she saw his adam's apple bob down and back up again.

She closed the distance between them and reached for his hand. "Sexy?"

"Is there a word above that?" He laced his fingers between hers.

She took a deep breath. "I realized something," she said quietly. "When I was in that tree, bleeding, thinking I might never see you or anyone else I loved ever again. I saw for the first time how foolish I'd been. I treat every day with you, every hour, like I will have a thousand more, as though there is no end. But there almost was."

"And so you sent me that message."

She looked up into his eyes. "But there's so much more to it than that," she said. "So much more. In that moment I knew there was no point in being afraid or scared. Of telling myself that we would always have tomorrow. I want to be with you and I don't want to waste any more time, not even if we have a hundred more years in front of us. And maybe there's no going back from this, but it's not an ending, it's the beginning of something that I think we were always supposed to have. Something we—we almost didn't have." She sniffled and reached up to push her hair over her shoulder.

He stepped closer to her, until she could feel the heat radiating from him. "Oh?"

She guided his hand around her waist, then reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pressed herself against him, still looking up into his eyes, and stroked the back of his neck with her fingertips.

His lips curved up in a small smile. "I'm going to offer you the couch," he said softly. "Say yes."

She searched his eyes, her brow furrowing and then clearing. "Yes," she murmured.

Then he leaned down and kissed her, and she whimpered quietly as his tongue slipped into her mouth, as he grasped her hips and boosted her up so he could hold her to him. She shivered as she wrapped her legs around him, and when he pulled back his dark eyes were glowing from the lights on the tree. "Plausible deniability," he murmured.

"I figured that."

He grinned and brushed the tip of his nose against hers. "I'm going to take you to bed now," he murmured. "And what happens when we get there is up to you, Nan... but there's just one thing..."

She clung to him a little more tightly as he carried her to his bedroom; he gently placed her on the bed, then turned on the bedside lamp. She self-consciously adjusted the hem of her gown so the tops of her thighs were covered, but the lace tops of her stockings and the garter clips were visible.

He looked down at her, then shook his head. "Oh, Nan," he murmured, almost under his breath, and went to a small bookshelf on the other side of his room. Nancy watched with interest as his fingertips brushed the tops of a line of journals on the upper shelf; he settled on one and pulled it out, and she tilted her head as he came back across the room.

He moved onto his knees at her feet, and Nancy's eyes widened as she looked down at him. "I love you," he said quietly. "And I might never have an opportunity like this one, and I'll be damned if I don't take advantage of it. I love you more than breath or life. When you were missing, when I saw you in that hospital bed... I can't believe I let another day go by without telling you this.

"I know that this may not be the time, and I just want you to know that this is yours, Nancy. Whenever you're ready."

He lifted the slender journal, and Nancy raised an eyebrow as he opened it on her lap. Then she gasped. A ring was secured to the spine, on the inside, and as he opened both sides, it rotated ninety degrees. A square-cut diamond set in a silver band sparkled up at her.

"Marry me," he whispered.

Nancy found that her fingers were covering her mouth; her eyes were pricking with tears. "Ned," she whispered.

He smiled and then bowed his head, and she reached for him, running her fingers through his hair. "You're the only one for me," he murmured. "For the rest of my life. I want you here for always. I want to wake up beside you and go to sleep beside you..."

"Yes," she whispered, and when he brought his head up to look into her eyes, she nodded. "Yes. Please."

His anxious expression became a wide smile. "Really?"

She nodded, and he stood up, picking her up and pulling her to him for a long, hard hug. She closed her eyes, laughing as he nuzzled against her ear. "You said yes," he whispered.

"Yeah," she said, and released a soft, happy sigh when he touched his forehead to hers. "Yes."

He placed her back on the bed so he could pull the ring from its hiding place, and she slipped it onto her finger, then fanned all her fingers and gazed down at it. "I can't believe it," she whispered.

"What can you not believe?"

She glanced back up at him, wiping a tear from her lower lashes. "That I came here and made this meal and bought what I wore today, and I was so... I just wanted you to know what you meant to me, and you—you had this..."

"And you looked so beautiful," he told her. "So, so beautiful. I walked in and saw you and it felt— _right_ , to see you here."

"And you've been thinking about— _this_."

He nodded. "I just didn't want to ask you before we were ready... but I've been thinking about it for a long time."

She nodded a little. "I was afraid," she whispered. "But then I realized I was more afraid of never sharing this with you."

He looked down at the lace tops of her stockings, her garters. "I've never seen you in anything like this," he murmured, and she felt a rush of tingling awareness between her thighs as he gently ran the back of his fingers up the silk line of her stocking.

"I've never worn anything like this before," she admitted. "I just knew that this was something women wore when they wanted to look sexy for their boyfriends."

"And you do. You look incredible." His fingertip traced the ribbon of her garter up, and slowly she reclined on his bed, looking up at him. That awareness became a steady second heartbeat between her thighs as he pushed her slip up, to reveal her black lace underwear. All her lingerie matched, and she felt very sophisticated in it.

He shook his head. "You don't do anything in half-measures, do you," he murmured, and then his glowing gaze met hers. "I have to be dreaming right now."

She gave him a small smile, trying to keep herself calm. "Have you thought about this before?" she murmured.

"Only all the time," he murmured, and she released an involuntary whimper as he traced his fingertips just above the low-slung elastic band of her panties. The pulse between her thighs began to feel like an ache. "It's up to you, what happens here tonight, Nan..."

As soon as she thought the words, a bolt of delirious anxiety, sharp and sweet, sizzled through her. "I don't want to wait any more," she whispered. "You've asked me to stay with you before... we have all night, Ned, and I want you to show me..."

He drew her into his arms so she was seated on his lap, with her legs on either side of him; he kissed her gently, slowly, as he gathered her slip in his hands and began to pull it up. She raised her arms and let him draw it off her, and then she bowed her head and peered at him through her lashes.

"Very nice," he told her softly, and reached behind her. She shivered when he brushed his fingertips just above the hooks of her strapless bra, and she felt a hardness between his thighs as she began to unbutton his shirt. He nuzzled against her before kissing her again, and she was overwhelmed as he unfastened her bra and slipped it off, baring her breasts as she parted his unbuttoned shirt. Her nipples felt tight and incredibly sensitive, and the feel of his skin against her made her sigh with pleasure.

Then he leaned back and her knees were spread wide and the join of her thighs was pressed against that hardness between his, and she pushed herself up a little so she could look down at him. He rubbed his palms against her bare back, then stroked his fingertips down her sides and hips to the elastic of her panties.

"Do you still feel like you're dreaming?" she murmured.

"Mmm-hmm," he said softly. "I do. You're here with me, and I've dreamed of putting that ring on your finger... and I've dreamed of being with you this way, and you're even sexier than I imagined."

"And what happens next, in your dream?" she said, leaning down and brushing the tip of her nose against his. She was smiling a little, but she felt shivery inside.

He cupped her cheek, his other hand stroking the small of her back, then lower, over her panties. "I roll you onto your back and strip this off you, baby, this sexy little lace garter belt, those sexy stockings, your tiny panties." She gasped when he unfastened the hook on her garter belt with one hand. "Even though the thought of you riding me in all except your panties is incredibly hot."

"Will you be naked too?"

He nodded. "Oh yes. And my curious Nancy, if you wanted to put your hands all over me, that would be incredible. Especially," he took her hand and guided it between them, and she flushed when he gently placed it against the bulge between his legs, "right here."

She didn't move her hand. "Oh," she said softly.

He nodded, and her heart was in her throat as he rolled her over, onto her back. His fingertips were gentle as he slid her stockings down her legs, taking her garter belt with them; then he grasped the sides of her panties and gently slid them down an inch.

"Yes?" His voice was low, and it sent a ripple of desire down her spine.

"Yes," she whispered, pushing herself up a little so he could take her panties off.

Then he unfastened his fly, and when he returned to her he was naked. The golden light from the lamp beside his bed played over the lines of him, the trail of dark hair beneath his belly button that grew thicker between his legs. She saw the part of him that he had guided her hand to touch, and when he laid down beside her again, she rolled onto her side.

"What do we do now?" she whispered, and though she kept her gaze locked to his, she trailed her fingers down his side, over his hip, and tentatively touched that stiff, flushed part of him. She couldn't help smiling a little when she saw the expression of bliss that crossed his face.

"Mmm. That's a good start," he murmured, and rested his hand against her hip. "That feels so good... you can be a little rough, just no fingernails and no teeth."

She nodded, gradually making her strokes more firm. She rubbed her fingertips up and down the underside of his erection, and Ned leaned in, setting his lips against her neck, licking and sucking against her skin as she stroked him. When he breathed against her bare breast, then drew her nipple into his mouth, she let out a stuttering sigh.

"You like that?" he whispered. "Oh God, that feels so good."

They kissed each other, rolled together, and she trembled when he first stroked his fingers between her thighs, sucking in her breath with a gasp when he trailed his fingers down and began to work one inside her. She flushed, still gripping his erection, and her lips parted when he moved his thumb up and began to stroke her up near the top of her sex.

"Ned," she moaned. "Oh my God..."

"Yeah," he murmured, and she trembled harder as he gradually slid the full length of his finger inside her. She panted, and he kissed her again, her hand still moving against him. When he slipped his finger out of her, then began to work two inside her, she writhed, breaking the kiss to press her face against his shoulder.

"Yes?"

She moaned again, more loudly, her hips shaking. "Oh, _oh_..."

He kissed her, and when he rolled on top of her she panted again, a throb of arousal clenching in her belly and her sex as he parted her legs. He nuzzled against her jaw and she rolled her hips, her lips parting, her chin tipping up. When his fingers slid deep into that tender, secret part of her, she closed her eyes, choking, straining under him, overwhelmed by the sensation.

"It will be more," he murmured, and she shuddered. "Okay?"

"Yes," she gasped, and she cried out when he brushed the ball of his thumb over one of her nipples.

Ned pushed himself up and off her, and Nancy felt self-conscious as she slowly drew her legs back together. The join of her thighs felt slick and tender, and throbbed; that place inside her where he had been stroking her with his thumb throbbed too. It wasn't unpleasant, but the ache of it was sharp and desperate. She had never felt anything so intense before, and she watched him as he crossed to a small drawer in his desk, returning with a handful of foil packets, her own hand palm-up and open at her side. He put a small bottle on the bedside table too, and she gazed from it to him, her brow slightly furrowed.

"It'll make this easier," he murmured, as he moved onto his knees, parting her legs wide again. "And we'll be so slow, so slow and sweet, Nan. Are you still okay?"

She nodded slowly, her gaze locked to his face.

He bent her knees a little more and she gasped, feeling the air cool against her wet, tender flesh. He reached for the bottle and dispensed a little of the clear liquid inside onto his fingers, and Nancy tilted her hips up, gasping as he began to work three slick fingers inside her. "Ned," she moaned.

"Yeah, sweetheart. Yeah," Ned murmured, and leaned down. His strokes were slow and his tongue slipped against hers as they kissed, and she was burning up, she was aching and so exposed, her hips gently rising and sinking as his fingers moved inside her.

When he moved back a little, she was panting and he had her legs pinned open, and she gazed up at him with wide eyes. He touched and stroked her with no doubt or fear at all, only calm assurance, and while she was nervous, she wasn't afraid that he would hurt her.

She was still a little awed that he wanted her this way, that he felt this way about her, and that it could feel so, so incredibly good.

He unwrapped a condom and rolled it onto himself with a few strokes of his fingers, and Nancy took a deep breath. "Are you still okay?"

She nodded. "I'm okay," she murmured. "I love you."

He smiled. "I love you too," he murmured. "I think you might feel a little sore at first, but it should pass, okay?"

She nodded, her eyes still wide.

"And if you need to stop, tell me." He reached down and kissed her, slowly, and she was so aware of how close they were to this, the forbidden decadence of being so exposed to him, the smooth lines of his hips and his muscular thighs. She wrapped her arms around him, shivering with bliss when his chest touched her nipples, when he pressed tight against her.

She ran her fingers through his silky hair, her thighs brushing against his hips, and he nuzzled against her neck as she felt his erection brush between her legs. She released a pleading whimper and he responded by pulling back a little to gaze at her, a smile curving his lips, an answering smile curving hers as he leaned down. He kissed her slowly and she parted her lips beneath his, stroking her tongue against his.

"I always thought you would be so... so shy," he murmured, and nipped at her earlobe. "That it would take you a long time, to be this way with me... if you ever were."

She shivered and kissed his neck. "I love you," she whispered. "I love you so much and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. Why wait any longer?"

He slipped his hands between her legs and parted her, and her heart rose into her throat. "Live every day like it's your last?"

"Something like that," she murmured. "But I'd rather treat it like it's the first. There's so much I haven't done, and I... I was so sad when I thought that you would never know how much I love you."

He smiled. "And when I read your message my heart broke... because I could just imagine it. I wished I could have been there... I wish I could always be with you, Nan."

She gazed up at him. "But I'm glad you weren't," she told him softly. "I hate seeing you hurt and knowing that I'm responsible. I always have."

"You weren't, sweetheart. It wasn't your fault."

She shifted under him, reaching up to stroke his hair. "It would break my heart to lose you," she whispered.

"And it would break all of me to lose you," he murmured, and she shuddered at the intensity in his dark eyes. "You mean the world to me, Nancy. You mean everything to me."

"Show me," she whispered.

He kissed her again, slow and sweet, and when he moved his hand between them she gasped against his kiss. He started rubbing that sensitive place inside her again, until she was sobbing, almost whining with need. Her grip tightened in his hair and she dug the nails of her other hand into his shoulder blades. "Yes," she gasped. "Please..."

And he kissed her, light and soft, almost reverent, and she felt him reach between them with both hands and part her. Her belly was tense with arousal and need but her stomach still flipped; her heart was in her throat again, choking her, and her anticipation and desire and nervousness were overwhelming her.

Then he shifted and she tipped her head back, afraid to look away from him. He shifted his knees and reached for the small bottle again, dripping more of its contents onto his fingers. She moaned, feeling her inner flesh clench around him as he slid his fingers inside her again, and then he was lifting her hips, angling his own, moving so the tip of his erection was pressed against the slick tender flesh of her inner lips.

His gaze met hers and she knew her eyes were wide, but she couldn't help it. He began to push inside her and she moaned, her hands clenching into fists again.

He kissed her, nuzzling against her, keeping one hand between her thighs to keep stroking that place inside her as he fondled her breast with his other hand, and she tensed and rocked underneath him. He moved inside her with slow strokes, and when she felt him reach that soreness inside her, just as he had told her he might, she closed her eyes and just concentrated on breathing.

"Okay?" He sounded almost breathless.

"Yes," she intended to say, but it came out as a moan.

Then he pressed deeper inside her and she cried out. She was flushed and panting, and she held still as he kept stroking his fingertip against her, and the pleasure felt like pain, and the pain was like a heartbeat. He groaned when his full length was inside her, and she choked, keeping her hips so still.

"Are you all right?" He looked into her eyes.

She nodded. "You're so big," she whispered, and Ned gave her a tentative smile.

"Is that bad?"

She shook her head slowly, keeping her gaze on his. "No," she murmured. "I just... you feel so tight inside me."

He nodded. "Yeah," he murmured, and gave her another slow kiss. "I'm going to move now, okay?"

She nodded, her eyes still wide with wonder. Then he pulled back and slowly slid back inside her, and she pressed her heels against the mattress and angled her hips, panting.

"Yes?"

"Yes," she moaned, a shudder going down her spine as he pressed his hips to hers. The sensation was incredible, overwhelming, but she tried to hold onto it, the surge of trembling joy she felt with every thrust of his hips, every brush of his lips against her cheek. It was what she had wanted, to share this with him, finally.

She felt him smile against her skin as she wrapped her arms around him again. "My beautiful Nancy," he murmured. "I love you."

"I love you too." Her voice was a moan.

Then he pushed himself up to perch over her, and she gazed into his eyes again as he moved in her, in long deep thrusts that left her panting and sobbing, her inner flesh drawing tight around his erection as he moved inside her. She cried out whenever he brushed against that tender place in her, the same place he had been rubbing before, and Ned was panting harshly, his skin gleaming. Nancy felt so hot, so powerless, and she knew her skin was likely gleaming too.

The incredible tension peaked, and she was rolling her hips, sobbing his name, when she suddenly tensed under him. "Oh my _God!_ " she cried out, and Ned groaned as he rubbed her a little harder.

She screamed, her shoulders tensing, her hips jerking, and he moved faster, groaning again. She was barely aware of the fact that she was babbling, sobbing incoherently in pleasure, and Ned pressed deep inside her and then tensed, and her wondering eyes found his face. She saw him strain and then relax, all the way down his body; he lowered himself to her, relaxing against her, and she found the strength to slowly wrap her arms around him again before she relaxed too.

"Mmm," he moaned. "Oh, Nan..."

She closed her eyes. "Yeah," she whispered, and she couldn't seem to stop shaking. He was still inside her, and just the awareness of it, the way he filled her, made her shudder. His lips brushed against the point of her jaw as he shifted on top of her, and she ran her fingers through his hair, releasing a sigh.

He kissed her neck. "I love you," he breathed against her skin.

She tensed as he pulled out of her, a long delirious shudder running down her spine. She had felt a little sore, and she felt it flare in her again; she pressed her palm against her abdomen, and when she heard Ned make a soft disappointed noise, she opened her eyes.

"Baby, are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said softly, and then she saw what had alarmed him. The latex condom was streaked with blood, her blood. She began to move and Ned shook his head, gesturing for her to stay there. He went to his bathroom and returned with a cloth, and gently, tenderly wiped the join of her thighs. She was tense, expecting the cloth to be cold or rough, but he had rinsed it with warm water.

Even once he was finished, she didn't have the energy to do anything at all, but she was starting to feel a little chilly. Ned returned to the bed, cleaned up and still naked, and helped her move beneath the covers before he joined her there.

She cuddled against him, her leg slung over his, her eyes closed as he stroked her back. The join of her thighs still felt tender and a little sore, but she didn't regret being with him.

Ned kissed her forehead. She heard him open his mouth, then close it again, and wrap his other arm around her.

"Hmm?" she murmured.

"I keep thinking I'm going to wake up," he said quietly. "I feel like... like I didn't let you think this through..."

She took a breath and traced his collarbone with her fingertips. "Shh," she whispered. "I'm the one who very carefully put on silk stockings and a garter belt this afternoon, okay? I didn't say that I wanted to spend tonight cuddling and drinking hot chocolate, and waiting for you to cop a feel."

He laughed, moving back to look into her face. "And you're all right? Really, you are?"

She nodded and traced his jaw. "I'm a little sore," she admitted. "But I... I feel like you... I don't know. I don't know the words for it, and maybe it's not like this for you, but it's like now... we fit together. You're my first, my only, and now that I..."

He stroked her back, then leaned down and touched his forehead to hers. She sniffled, her eyes pricking with tears. "You're my only now too," he murmured, when she couldn't continue. "For the rest of our lives, Nan."

He brushed a tear from her cheek as it began to fall, and she tipped her chin up to press a kiss against his lips. "The only person who will share your bed for the rest of your life," she whispered. "You say that I didn't have time to think this through, but, Ned... are _you_ sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything," he told her, and together they shifted so they were facing each other, on their sides, resting in each other's arms. She was acutely aware of his nakedness, of the warmth radiating from his skin, the solid firmness of him. "I've known it practically since we first met."

"Back when I was jailbait."

He grinned. "Back then I thought you were fearless and fascinating and the best decision of my life would be to strike up a friendship with you," he told her. "Not because I wanted to fuck you, even though I thought you were beautiful. You were so innocent, though. So pure. And the compassion and need to help other people, that just radiated off you..."

"Past tense?"

"Still does." He smiled. "I still can't believe you said yes."

She reached up and touched his cheek, stroking it with her thumb. "You've always, to me... you've always meant love, and devotion, and you've been one of the few constants in my life. And vulnerability." She gave him a small, humorless smile. "You're an Achilles heel. I've learned how to do without, when I needed to... but to be without you? To count an end to this..."

He gave her a soft, slow kiss, his lips still touching hers after it was over. "There will be no end to this," he told her. "I've been with other women, but you... Nan, you have my whole heart. And I have never, I _will_ never, love anyone the way I love you."

"You'd better not," she told him with a little smile, and he laughed again as she cuddled close to him. "Tonight I gained a fiancé and lost my virginity. Tomorrow's a whole other day."

"Not sure you can top that," he told her. "I'd hate to see you try."

She smiled. "Tomorrow I get to meet my future in-laws," she pointed out.

"Again."

"Again," she agreed. "We have a lot to look forward to. And tomorrow's a whole other day for you, too. What do you want to do?"

"I want to see my mom's face light up when she finds out I finally worked up the nerve to pop the question, and when she sees the ring on your finger," he told her. "I want to spend the day just looking at you and realizing every single minute, over and over again, that this is true. I don't think it will ever get old, Nan. One year or eighty years together and I'll still think I'm the luckiest guy in the entire world. That the sweet, witty girl, smart as a whip and courageous enough to take on guys twice her size, has turned into the incredible woman who will be my wife."

"And you want me," she whispered in wonder, gazing into his eyes. "You want _me_ , even after everything. Even though you waited so long for this."

He shook his head. "And it was no wait at all, when it was with you. Any time spent with the woman I love..."

She smiled and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. "And maybe tomorrow night we can cuddle on the couch and drink hot cocoa..."

"And I could maybe try to cop a feel?"

"Mmm. Maybe." She snuggled further under the covers, savoring the feel of his bare skin against hers. "Or maybe I could."

Ned laughed again, moving with her. "While we're talking bucket list, there are a _lot_ of different ways to make love."

"And ways to fuck?"

"Even more of those." Her lips parted beneath his as he kissed her, his tongue flicking against hers in deliberate strokes that left her flushed and renewed the pulse of arousal between her thighs. "And it will just get better and better, love."

She sighed as she closed her eyes. "Then I can't wait."


End file.
